Don't Light Yourself On Fire To Keep Another Person Warm

“Don’t light yourself on fire to keep another person warm.”

A healing client mentioned this anonymous quote to me last week and we both smiled.

I hadn’t heard it in years but I shook my head in total recognition that this has been one of my biggest lessons in this lifetime.

I’ve had years of experience doing the “right” thing, the “good” thing, and trying to relieve others of their pain…at my own expense.

Standing up for ourselves, saying no, demanding respect, and walking away from abuse, are all powerfully spiritual acts. Letting others find their way, refusing to take on other people’s problems as your own, and simply being a presence of love and care — but not losing yourself — are important steps we take for ourselves and for others.

My client laughed when I told her I had been a damn bonfire for so many people in my life. And I reminded her there’s hope. It becomes less of a reflexive habit to throw yourself under the bus for someone else.

I’ve learned that being drained, depleted, under-earning, not having enough time for myself and my passions, being hyper-focused on others in my life, over-giving, and a host of other dreariness does not do anyone any favors.

And I’ve found that we rob people of their own power and light when we coddle them or put up with poor treatment.

It gets really tough when someone is in need, hurting, sick, or struggling. But we are not meant to sacrifice our own well-being so that someone else can feel OK.

In spiritual circles, we can get confused about this. It’s a misunderstanding that to be awake or to be compassionate means to help someone thrive at all costs — even if we become collateral damage in the process.

It’s OK to walk away from toxic dynamics. You have permission to say no to abuse and to those who take advantage of your kindness. You get to discern what and who is right for you. You’re not meant to be a doormat. You have a right to care for your space, your energy, your heart, and your mental health.

This goes for consuming tons of news when it makes you ill or anxious. Hey, keep up to date, but take a break. Go out into the sun and soak up some soothing rays for a while before going back to doom scrolling. Mind your energy.

This is a sacred practice.

On the spiritual path, we meet milestones and we feel that’s how it will be forever. But we are meant to learn things in stages.

With the dawning of one’s heart opening, there is a natural warmth and love for all beings, and we feel called to take action to serve, sometimes at any cost.

The profound shift into unity consciousness provides us with the sense that all is truly well. And we also have a remarkable capacity to withstand a lot of crap. We can be in the presence of someone harming us and smile and take it. And then, as consciousness shifts deeper, we gain discernment. As the self/Self dissolves further, there is wisdom. An intuitive grace. A fierceness emerges that is not without heart. Now the heart can fully do its work.

They say enlightenment is the two wings of the bird, compassion, and wisdom. We cannot fly without both.

Practice compassion and wisdom. May you make your life a sacred act of honoring your precious well being. You light the way for others to do the same. And that’s a better way to get lit up.

xo